I was listening to Julie’s charming and perfect podcast interview with Neko Case, and she (Neko) talks about being single and 40 and what a shame that is because she is awesome, and how the notion of dudes being intimidated by her is kind of bullshit because it’s their problem and not hers, and it made me feel grateful and validated to hear her say it.
I mean I already knew that kind of thinking was foolishness, but it is always good to be reminded of it by someone else. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s weakness, just as I can’t be responsible for someone else’s strength. Your core is unchangeable. But I believe in applauding the people you love, and also I believe in holding someone’s hand when they need it, and even when they don’t. All of this I have learned in my life.
But then later that night I had dinner with a friend and I was telling her about my love life and she said to me, “You know, you might intimidate men.” I rolled my eyes at her because I had now been EMPOWERED BY NEKO. (I would totally read a Neko Case advice column, or maybe she could host her own daytime talk show?) Because you can either hang with someone or you can’t.
Listen, what could I change? My brain? But I love my brain. When I write it’s like making out with my brain. Brains are the best.
Anyway, then my friend followed that up with, “All I’m saying is I’ve never met a man who didn’t like a blowjob.” (I think this was her offering me some sort of dating tip? I don’t know. We had been drinking.) I do not have a negative opinion about blowjobs, of course, but I did feel that I needed to make a technical point.
“I actually have been with men who don’t care one way or the other about blowjobs,” I said. “They don’t mind them, but they like other stuff more. Like they’re way more into getting a girl off than anything else.”
And she said, “What kind of men?”
And I said, “I don’t know, guys who like comic books?”
It’s possible I’m making that up but I don’t think so.
There are bigger points – unrelated to blowjobs – I could articulate here but I would hate to make any sweeping generalizations about men. Life is too full of nuance and color for that kind of behavior. All I know is that so often I just feel ready to burst with all the ideas and emotions contained with me. I don’t have a choice, but even if I did, I wouldn’t want to change a thing.
mmm. making out with brains is my favorite.