So here’s a conversation I had last night with a woman I just met who is married and has two kids:
Her: Do you like your in-laws?
Me: I don’t have in-laws.
Her: Oh, I thought you were married for some reason. I wonder why I thought that? (Possible answer: Because some married people think everyone else in the world is married too?)
Me: Nope.
Her: Do you have a partner?
Me: No.
Her: A boyfriend?
Me: No.
Her: Any pets?
Me: No.
Her: A dog?
Me: No.
Her: A cat?
Me: No.
Her: Well, do you want my in-laws?
I told this story to my friend David (who is married) this morning, and he said, “As a married person I do think she had a nice save at the end,” and I said, “The nice save would have been ending the conversation at ‘Oh, I thought you were married for some reason.’”
I’m sure she thought she was being hilarious. It kind of bummed me out though. I mean it pretty much sucks being single this time of year. It doesn’t suck enough to date someone crazy or boring or mean or whatever just so I don’t have to be alone. (It will never ever ever ever suck that much. Never ever. Don’t worry.) But it sucks just enough to let a conversation like this one get under my skin. It sucks enough that I had to turn myself physically away from her so she wouldn’t know that it had bothered me.
I don’t think I need to explain this – or do I? Why it’s hardest this time of year? It’s that perfect storm of colder weather, alcohol consumption, and the forced reflection on where you were in your life one year before. Even if your life is perfection (which, mine is not, but it’s pretty good, it suits me fine), there’s no way not to feel a tiny tug in your gut.
Ask me in June, and I’m alone. Ask me in December, I’m lonely.
Oh, December. You remind me so much of someone I used to know. Maybe it was last December, or perhaps the December before that.
If I were 15 years old this would be the moment I put the “Private! Knock First!” sign on my door. Now please excuse me while I go listen to Liz Phair for the next three fucking weeks.
Let’s get our priorities straight. What matters is how you look. And you look so freaking awesome in that silver ball in that snowy tree, my brain is smoking with your awesomeness right now.
Aw thanks, LC. Priorities! Yes!
yeah, well. um. yeah. I love you. so there’s that.
I had a former colleague say to me “do you have a family?” and i said “yes.” then she asked how many kids I had. I said “none” – she looked at me confused, and I nearly smacked her because I could see she was one of those holier-than-thou marrieds and I said “everyone has a family, bitchy lady, i just don’t have CHILDREN.”
she never spoke to me again. HA.