These pine cones are going to be asking you for money any second now, so that they can film a documentary about what it’s like to fall out of a tree
In honor of the hot-as-tits weather, I’m going to be cranky today.
One of the topics of conversation on our wonderful July 4 trip upstate was Kickstarter. I’m not against Kickstarter, I just want to say that off the bat. I recognize that it can (and has) helped people make art and help other people. To me it’s the same as say, Tumblr or any sort of service that makes it easy for you to organize your information and publish it online, and then also aggregates that information under the auspices of some sort of community. It’s another fun game to play, and sometimes it is kind of interesting to see what people are working on, though I feel like I already have Facebook, Twitter, and, oh I don’t know, the rest of the internet if I really want to know.
What I’m against (and I don’t even know if “against” is the right word, but let’s use it and let people argue me down if they like) is that so many “artists” feel justified asking me for money to fund their little projects when practically every single person I know is creative and would like some money to fund their little project. Life is tough and terrible and you are not entitled. (Put that on my grave and I am not even fucking kidding, and if you do not do it I will haunt you from the afterlife.) I mean, how would you feel if I sent you an email asking you to fund Chapter 11 of my book? It has now gotten to the point that once a week (at least once a week) someone is asking me for money these days, all through Kickstarter, which is making me not want to ever open an email related to Kickstarter again.
Two weeks ago I got asked to support the self-publication of a collection of essays that pay tribute to a now-defunct Williamsburg Puerto Rican coke bar.
Let’s just let that sentence live in its own paragraph.
Is Kickstarter curated at all? I feel like in the beginning (and I could be wrong, but that’s my memory) it was supposed to be some sort of honor if your project was approved. Now it just feels like any jackass can throw his project up there and then it somehow seems Official. (Official what, I do not know.) Just like you are a writer because you have a Tumblr. (You are not automatically a writer if you have a Tumblr.)
Look, if you are an artist, you work shit jobs (or non-shit jobs, if you are lucky) to support yourself. This is the way it goes. I realize there are less jobs, shit or otherwise, to be had as of late (believe me, I know-ho), but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean you get to start asking everyone you know to fund your documentary.
(On a side note: why the hell is everyone on the planet doing a documentary? Is this the new dream? I actually have not much more to say beyond that because I love a good documentary, much as I love any successful piece of art. But I do feel it is an important question to be posed, much in the same vein as why do people under the age of 30 think they can/should write a memoir? What do you remember? Last week? Which is to say not everything needs to be documented, but if you feel like you absolutely have to, maybe just start a blog or something?)
Here are the places/people who I think you should ask to fund your (and this is based on what is on the Kickstarter homepage right now) documentary/album/World Cup poster/photo series/web sitcom/book of poetry/Delorean (no joke) Hovercraft:
- Grant-giving organizations.
- Your employer, who gives you a paycheck every week.
- Your savings account.
- Your credit card company.
- Your rich-ass friends who want to add “Producer” to their resume.
- Your trust fund.
- Your mom. Dude, ask your mom. Your mom loves you. Your mom totally wants to see you achieve your dreams. (This could probably be #1 only I have a feeling you have already put your mother through so much already.)
But please stop asking me. I know you’re ambitious, but for some reason your use of Kickstarter is starting to make me think you’re a little lazy.
