Oh, poverty.
Of course, everyone has different notions of poverty. I have a beat-up station wagon that would be a humiliation to drive in most of the country but in New York City is considered impressive because no one has a car here, and so when I mention that I have one, eyes widen and people say, “You have a car?” in this super dramatic way, as if I am the richest person in the world. I admit it is a small source of pride that I own something, anything, this thing that I bought with the advance I got two books ago, the advance I managed to stretch out for a good three years, and then it was all gone. Last year the car got bashed by a truck so badly it would have cost less to buy another car than fix the cosmetic damage, a massive dent on the side of it. At least no one will ever want to steal it.
A decade of working my ass off as a writer and look what I’ve got to show for it.
And please don’t say books. On a shelf. In a library. In a warehouse. In a used bookstore. In someone’s basement. On ebay for 99 cents. Please don’t say books. I know what I have, and I know what I don’t have.
I must tell you, and perhaps you have figured it out by now if you’ve reading this blog for a while, investing in a career as a writer IS NOT FOR THE WEAK. Do not go lightly into this dark, low-incomed night, know what I mean?
Once I finish this book, because I have to finish this book, because I love this book with every ounce of my being, because I live with it inside me wherever I go, because it is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, because this is the book I was born (and raised) to write, because if I do not finish this book I feel like I will die even as it kills me to write it –
and by the way if you cannot say the same thing about your book you should probably not be writing it, because those are the only reasons to spend a few years of your life on a project with little potential for substantial financial gain, because it is not about the books (except for maybe your first book, because that is one exciting book), it is about everything leading up to the book, and a little bit after the book, and then it is about starting the process all over again
- there will be some changes around here that will be directly connected with me having a more regular source of income. Because I am getting old.
WHAT COULD THEY BE?
I have no idea. Well, I have some ideas. I’m not completely daft.
I have no regrets, though. Not a one.
I consider myself lucky that life has even offered me so many choices to make.
