Have you been reading about my hometown hero, Bob Greene? He used his role as a journalist to meet high school chicks, and the nation is outraged, simply outraged that a journalist would manipulate someone in that way.

Well I have held my tongue for too long, and it stops here.

I, too, was hit on by Bob Greene in high school. I won a teen journalism contest for my essay, "Why The 80s Suck: This Is One Decade That's Never Coming Back In Style." He was at the awards ceremony, and he flashed me a special smile and whispered in my ear, "Whenever you want a tour of the real center of Midwestern journalism, let me know," and then he pointed to his crotch.

But nothing happened. You know why? Look at him! Double chin, funny nose straight out of a Dickens novel, and that toupee! It's the most preposterous thing I've seen in my life. I remember saying over the breakfast table when I was growing up, "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's hair?" and pointing to the newspaper.

Who on earth was sleeping with him anyway? Bored suburban housewives who woke up every morning to a screaming kid, a cup of coffee, and Bob's column. Teen pregnancy candidates with bad perms from Milwaukee, visiting the Trib on a field trip. Definitely not other journalists.

So I said no to Bob, yes I did. It wasn't easy to turn down such a "celebrity" (Sure they made a sitcom based on one of his books, but it starred that guy from "Night Court"), but I took one look at that rug and said, "No thanks, I'm saving myself for someone from the NY Times. They have all their hair there."

No one is going to miss Bob Greene, but I bet it will make a great Lifetime movie. About his wife and kids..."What do you do when your husband isn't who he really seems?"

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