During brunch at Kath and Cinde's house we talked about the research I've been doing for the book. I had interviewed Steven, Kath's beau, while she did her laundry, so she never heard a thing he said. He gave me his philosophies and strategies on oral sex, including the concise statement, "Less is more."
Later, Kath said, "You know, when it comes to guys going down on me, less is really more."
"That's exactly what Steven said. It's in my notes and everything."
"Do I win a prize?"
"Yea, you win a guy who does you right."
Our conversation eventually turned to the crack whores that work the street corner under their house. They turn up dead on a regular basis.
"They're coming back, though," said Cinde.
"Oh, there's a new crop?" said Kath.
"Fresh meat," said Cinde.
"Fresh whores," said Kath.
"This season's crack whores..." I started.
"Are smartly dressed," continued Cinde.
"What will we see in this season's crack whores?" said Kath. "How will they die this year? Murdered? OD'd? AIDS? Decapitated? Eaten? There's so many options."
"I liked the one in the white pumps, though," said Cinde.
"Which one was she?" I said.
"She was the head crack whore," said Kath. "She would yell at people to get off the corner. She and the pimp would chase each other around. We saw her chase another crack whore down the street one night, yelling at her to get off 'her corner.' 'Stay out of my territory,' she was screaming. She was hitting her with her bag, chasing her down the street, with these white pumps. We figured she'd earned the title. Senior Crack Whore."
"VP of Crack Whores," said Cinde.
"Director of Crack Whores."
We finally settled on Senior VP Crack Whore.
"That's what her business card says," said Kath. "If she was smart, the Senior VP Crack Whore would get drug options as part of her package."
"We saw her puke once in the doorway across the street, and then five minutes later she turned a trick." said Cinde. "Those white shoes," she sighed. "They weren't even bone-colored. They were pure white."
"She should put that on her resume," said Kath. "Under skills and qualifications. Able to puke and turn a trick without a missing a beat."
Cinde brought up a scene in Sweet and Lowdown, where Sean Penn's character, who is a pimp early in the movie, gets yelled at by a prostitute. He's worried he'll be tracked down, and she says, "You're always trying to be so fancy. I told you a pimp didn't need a business card."
I know it's not nice to laugh at those who are less fortunate than you, but crack whores in white pumps? Fucking hilarious.
Here's a little haiku for you:
Sometimes It's Better To Wear Flats
Crack whore in white pumps,