Apparently someone at Yahoo has nothing better to do with their time than write a headline like this one.

OK, speaking of masturbation, I met Jonno on Sunday. Hmm...maybe that didn't come out right. No, wait - actually it did.

Maybe I'm naive (possibly), or maybe everything Dante tells me about the big, gay world is sanitized for my protection, but I never knew before yesterday that gay men actually jerk off in bathrooms at gay clubs. For some reason, this stunned me a bit.

I mean, I know people have sex in restrooms - gay and straight alike. I think it's fair to say that more gay men are having sex in gay clubs, than straight people in straight clubs, at least in this post-Giuliani era. I guess I never pictured anyone masturbating. (I've never pictured anyone fucking, either, but you get what I'm saying here.) If you're just pleasing yourself, why not save it for home? But of course, gay men masturbate in bathrooms, Jonno explained to me. It's that feeling of being caught, or being an exhibitionist, or just being around all those boys that makes it so much fun.

Right. So I feel stupid now. In my defense (God, do I need a defense?), I've been in gay bars, but I have always steered clear of the little boys' room, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, so I met Jonno for brunch, and ladies, he's a looker! He's got a really nice chest. It's not as nice as my chest, but it's still nice. And then he told me this story:

Our hero Jonno was in some club in New Orleans, and went to the bathroom. He soon noticed that the young man in the adjoining urinal was tending to himself eagerly. Masturbating. Whatever. Jonno checked out his goods. The guy looked at him and said, in a sexed-up voice, "Do you want me to bust a nut for you?"

Jonno had never heard this before, which, as Dante informed us, is a Southern expression for, "Do you want me to come?" So of course Jonno started laughing (which I probably would have done, too, if I had been in that situation, which I'm guessing I will never be), and the guy totally lost his vibe and left the bathroom.

"I just thought of that song 'Bust A Move' when you said that," I laughed.

I started singing "Bust A Nut" to the delight of all of the other diners at the small West Village cafe. Well, OK, to the delight of Jonno and Dante. Actually, maybe it only entertained me.

I learn so much from my gay male friends. What would I do without them?

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