Watched George W.'s speech at the Republican convention tonight. I know it's been said before, but it bears repeating, Barbara Bush looks like she's her husband's mother. She has not aged gracefully.

Anyway, his speech was really boring, but I watched all of it. I tried to pay attention, I did, because I want to be a responsible citizen, but good lord, how on earth am I supposed to care? I feel nothing for him. I feel no connection. I don't care about anything he cares about, that's for damn sure. It's all a load of crap.

He called his dad, "The most decent man I have ever known." You know what? My dad is the most decent man I have ever known. Fuck your dad, George W. My dad is way more decent than yours. Your dad sucks.

"Dad," he said, "I am proud to be your son."

It's creepy how much they look alike.

If he wins, I'm moving to another country. I do think Bush is going to win, though. If people haven't warmed up to Gore after eight years (and I don't think they have), they never will. Bush is definitely the new meat in town; he's infinitely more interesting, in the same way Clinton is/was; he's a bad boy reformed. If I were him, I'd stay away from trashing Clinton on that level. I'm sure George W. has a couple of skeletons hiding in his closet -- and one of those skeletons is holding a bottle of whiskey and the other one is doing a line.

Who he was say, ten years ago, and how he represents himself now is very different. Let's take a look at some parts of his speech and see how he would have said it differently not so long ago:

Today: "At times, we lost our way, but we're coming home."

The Past: "At times, we were so fucked up we lost our bag, and we had to stop and call our dealer, and then we had to drive all the way cross town to get some more, and it was a really scary part of town so I locked my doors, and we totally lost our way, and we had to page him again, like three times, and then he charged me $60 instead of $50, but we're coming home. Sometime. Soon.

Today: "We are up and ready."

The Past: "And when I get there, you better be up and ready for some loving, Laura, 'cause I'm going to be ready to go allll night. Yeehaw!"

Today: "I do not reinvent myself at every turn."

The Past: "Dude, turn there. He said to go down the alley!

Today: "I belive in tolerance. Not in spite of my faith, but because of it."

The Past: "I belive in developing a tolerance, but not too much, because it can get kind of expensive. Not in spite of my addiction, but because of it."

Today: "After all the shouting and all the scandal, we can begin again."

The Past: "Laura, honey, don't shout at me. We do not need a scandal The neighbors will hear. I do not have a drinking problem; it is a solution. Heh. Give me a couple of minutes and we can try it again."

Today: "Our nation has to renew the faith of that boy I talked to in jail, and so many like him."

The Past: "I have to pay off that kid who's in jail, so he doesn't rat me out. I might have to take care of a few of his friends, too. They're all alike."

Today: "Our country is ready for high standards"

The Past: "Oh, I'm ready for some 'high' standards."

Today: "I know how serious the task is before me."

The Past: "Are all those shots for me? That's quite a task before me. Dick Cheney, you rascal. I knew I liked you for a reason."

Enough. I realize this is only funny to me.

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