It's Sunday afternoon, and for the second day in a row, I've slept well into the afternoon as I've stayed out late enough the night before to necessitate sleeping half the day away. It's been a fucked-up weekend. I'm never doing my laundry and cleaning my apartment on a Friday night again. It gives me an excuse to fuck off and play for the rest of weekend because I have no chores left to do. I am a bad, bad girl and I am going to hell. Please won't you join me there?

On Friday night, Cinde and Dan and I headed over to the club under the bridge, Fun, which was not so fun. Had I still been a smoker it would have been a fucking blast, but as I am now a non-smoker, it smelled disgusting in there. It's actually getting much easier to not smoke in bars, because I have finally realized how awful it smells. I even asked a few non-smokers how they deal with it, and they said, "Yea, it totally sucks right?"

Dear my non-smoking friends:

I am so, so sorry about the past decade of my life. How you have managed to maintain friendships with me I will never know. You are very patient.

Love,
The Human Ashtray

I saw far too many people at Fun to bother to list here. Let's just say the scene was in full effect, and leave it at that. Yay. Yea. Rock on. I know I've been saying for a year I'm getting too old for this, but you know what? I think I really mean it this time.

Later on Cinde and I went to Fanny's after-party where I had the following conversation with an OK-looking guy at 4 AM.

Me: So what do you do?
Him: For work or for passion?
Me: However you would like to answer is fine by me.
Him: I'm a writer.
Me: Me, too! Is that your work or your passion?
Him: Passion.
Me: Yea, me too right now. I'm not doing nearly enough writing. And what do you do for work?
Him: Web stuff.
Me: Yea, me too.

There was a brief moment of silence wherein we both stared at the ground.

Me: Well perhaps we shouldn't talk to each other anymore since we're exactly alike.
Him: Sounds good.

Later on he grabbed me and pulled me on to the dance floor and twirled me around like a little ballerina. We danced in a swirly, silly way for a while. It made me a little dizzy but I finally smiled for perhaps the first time the entire evening. I enjoyed that part of our interaction the most and it made me like him a lot as a human being.

I made it home by 5 and slept till 2:30 PM the next day.

On Saturday Will came over and watched tonight's episode of The Sopranos with me on tape. It was really good. I think this season is great, and I'm not just saying that because I get paid to say that.

Will and I then had a long, arduous conversation about Will's continuing existentialism, which at this point is probably borderline depression. We talked about him dropping his "Loser" column for a few months. I actually encouraged him to do it. I think taking a break is a normal and healthy thing for a writer to do, and he's been writing it for going on two years now. I told him that at the time it feels like a big deal, but he'd come back in a few months stronger, different, and better. And what more could he have to say? We already know he's a loser.

We also talked a bit about an evil, evil guy we both know. Man is that guy evil. I've never really written about him before, and I don't want to get into the exact details here (OK, here's one detail. His handshake feels like a cold, dead fish. His hand just sort of lies there. It's really creepy. If you've ever met him, you know exactly who I'm talking about. I've met at least three people who know this evil guy, and while they've never had any evil done to them by this evil guy, they have all commented that they knew he was evil just by his stunningly evil and creepy handshake. Hey, my dad taught me a firm handshake was important. Didn't yours?), but let's just say this: he's evil, and it will come back to bite him in the ass. He already will never get laid and he has to carry that with him for the rest of his life. Damn that guy sucks.

I don't think about him too often, but as this guy had done something evil to Will recently, proving finally and forever to Will what I've been telling him for months (mainly that this guy is evil), Will was happy to join me in my way of thinking. Wow. I win. What a victory. Another person got screwed by an evil guy. It's really a victory for all of America, don't you think?

Later on I sat around some more on the couch and watched television vaguely, practicing my performance for the 2001 International Ass Sitting On Couch All Fucking Day Long Championships. I think I've got a good chance at the gold this year. Cross your fingers for me, won't you? If I can win, I just know the corporate sponsorships will roll right in and I may never have to leave my couch again.

Around midnight I headed over to Botanica on Houston to meet up with Will, and, I thought, Gillin. Gillin had left by the time I got there, so I was stuck with Will, some chick he's getting on, and like, eighty of her friends. Everyone was drunk except for me, and they were all under 25.

I think I'm getting too old for this. Did I already say that? I'm seriously never leaving my apartment again.

Actual conversation between me and the chick Will's getting on:

Me: So you're visiting from Boston?
Her: Yes.
Me: So how do you like New York?
Her: I hate it.
Me: Oh, well then maybe you shouldn't come here then. Like, the next time you're thinking about going to New York, just stay in Boston. Or go somewhere else.
Her: Hm. Maybe I should do that.

Yea, I was charming. (She was actually cool, and we had perfectly pleasant conversation after that.) But really, why go visit a city you hate on vacation? Me, I'm going to San Francisco, and I love it there. I want to give San Francisco a big fat hug and kiss. I can't wait to see my friends there and I can't wait to walk around and check out what I think is a very cool, pretty city. And when I meet people and they ask me what I think of their city, I will say, "I love it!"

The night got even better when, around 2 AM, I actually started talking to a cute boy and we were having a nice, reasonable conversation, and Will walked up and performed the first in a series of strategic cock block maneuvers. He's going for the gold as well this year, in the 2001 International Cock Block Your Friend Because You're Apparently The Only One Who Is Allowed To Get Laid Around Here Championships.

It started with Will telling the guy, "Oh, she'll eat you alive!" and ended with Will talking so much that the guy simply got up and walked away, returning only after Will had left.

Note to self #1: Do not go drinking with Will anymore until he gets older and grows out of those awkward teen years.
Note to self #2: For the next week, do not leave apartment except to go to work, to attend mild-mannered events with non-smoking friends, or to fly to another city.
Note to self #3: God made Sundays laundry day for a reason.

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